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This Journal Is Now Dead [02 May 2005|09:13pm] Okay. So, I lied. The journal is getting kept in order to read journals of my friends who have friends only settings. But don't expect anymore entries. Love<3 7 | lock the doors from the inside

[01 May 2005|01:53am] As of midnight tonight my cell phone was shut off. And on Monday I am most likely deleting this journal. It's time to get my life together. Or at least make an attempt. And I'm sorry. 2 | lock the doors from the inside

it's the only way i know how [30 Apr 2005|12:03pm] [ mood | intimidated ] [ music | therocketsummer... duh ] just a calendar day funny how things can stay the same or drastically change some things seem so close on some days but still so far away don't know the right things to do in fact i don't have a clue sometimes i feel like a tool and i want to be truthfully true to you and do all the things that you do but when i hate everything about the mean things that i say it feels like i mess up so much and i can only say "i hate everything about my ways" but you tell me i'm OK and one day one day i know you'll say "i'm so glad you made it" "oh well Jesus thank you so much for saying that" because the truth you know is that i have just been hating so many things i do two calendar days and still my life is the same and other people's have changed i wonder what if i'm too late all the time that i said i would wait? and does anyone care? about us here or anywhere? well i just want to try and dare to be there, to care cause i know, i know that's rare but when i hate everything about the mean things that i say it feels like i mess up so much and i can only say "i hate everything about my ways" but you tell me i'm OK and one day one day i know you'll say "i'm so glad you made it" "oh well Jesus thank you so much for saying that" because the truth you know is that i have just been hating so many things i do just a calender day lock the doors from the inside

In relation to the last entry... [30 Apr 2005|02:11am] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | the honorary title <3 ] Samira is a life saver. She dragged my butt out of bed and made me get ready and go to the show. The Rocket Summer is so effing amazing. Ugh. I adore him. It's such up beat happy music. It put me in a wonderful mood. Then we went and I ran into my ex. HAHAHAHAHA. yeah. Oh, and the girl at taco bell gave us free food cause she thought I was hot. <3 1 | lock the doors from the inside

i plan to sleep through this one, thanks [22 Apr 2005|12:35am] happy earth day <3 lock the doors from the inside

sugar we're goin down swingin<3 [18 Apr 2005|10:42am] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | dance, dance ] two things: today is fucking beautiful and fall out boy is fantastic 6 | lock the doors from the inside

making breakfast for kendall is always an adventure [16 Apr 2005|04:44pm] [ mood | dorky ] [ music | Ciara ... Amandas here ... it's all I'm allowed ] lock the doors from the inside

[16 Apr 2005|03:21pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | television ] Ended up going to bed at like four am. Not drunk. Ugh. Woke up at eleven. I want to go back to sleeping five hours or less. I no longer function properly. Not that I did before. But I can't take this much sleep. Cause then I just want to sleep more. And more. I think I am going to stay in all weekend. I have a lot of work to get done before finals. Unless that party in Oakdale happens. Cause. Yeah. Just because. haha. <3 lock the doors from the inside

a thousand thank yous to mike for sending me mae [13 Apr 2005|10:02pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | mae .:. suspension ] lately I'm alright and lately I'm not scared I figured out that what you do to me feels like I'm floating on air I don't need to know right now all I know is I believe the very thing that got us here and now I can't leave say anything but say what you mean cause I'm caught in suspension now, I'm wanting this for sure and I'll beg for nothing more I'll plan all day and drive all night and love what's in store can't seem to stop this now even if it's not so clear and I'll take what I can get if you want me here say anything but say what you mean when you whisper you want this we are gaining speed I can barely breathe cause I'm caught in suspension it's enough for me to get excited it's enough for me to feel say anything but say what you mean when you whisper you want this say anything suspension but say what you mean oh please don't let me down I'm caught in suspension I'm caught in suspension we are gaining speed suspension I can barely breathe oh I can feel you now I'm caught in suspension I'm caught in suspension say anything suspension say what you mean your eyes tell anything I'm caught in suspension <3 4 | lock the doors from the inside

NO MORE DRIVING! [13 Apr 2005|12:05pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | Emery .:. The Ponytail Parades ] I fixed my layout. It's boring. I love it. ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND My friends page is working again. Yes! ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND Yeah. I got nothing. Have a good day! <3 lock the doors from the inside

fucking gross [11 Apr 2005|12:29am] [ mood | cold ] [ music | my head fucking pounding ] I just coughed up my dinner. Yes. Coughed it up. Not threw it up. Coughed it up. UGH! 2 | lock the doors from the inside

A FAMILY AFFAIR [07 Apr 2005|04:15pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | I LOVE THE MILITIA GROUP ] So, I'm looking through my AP magazine and come across a tour involving The Rocket Summer, Brandtson, Cartel, and Umbrellas. I love the rocket summer and brandtson. I've never really heard cartel. And I haven't gotten too into Umbrellas but I LOVE the lyndsay diaries so, close enough. And I got all excited. Then I got all sad because I have no money and figured it would be in the next few weeks in like San Francisco or something. But I look it up anyways. And I swear to you, I was so excited I actually yelled and screamed. THEY ARE PLAYING IN MODESTO ON APRIL 29TH!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!! Who wants to be my date? <3 lock the doors from the inside

I seriously think soda may have come out my nose on this one. [05 Apr 2005|01:09pm] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | The Mars Volta .:. Cicatriz E.S.P. ] ForcedSilence: NOW am i still beautiful?! loveleavesXscars: yessssssssssss loveleavesXscars: i'd still hit it loveleavesXscars: two times ForcedSilence: with a broken crutch maybe ForcedSilence: hahahahahahaha loveleavesXscars: hahahahhahaha 5 | lock the doors from the inside

So. I lied. It's not two. It's three. [03 Apr 2005|03:21am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | blue collar comedy !! ] I've never been so comfortable in my entire life. I even stopped coughing for a little while. Thank you Sara. <3 2 | lock the doors from the inside

Clonazepam 1mg = DEATH BY DOCTOR [31 Mar 2005|02:43pm] [ mood | sore ] [ music | stupid fucking annoying lawn mower ] I am so tired it hurts. I started taking the pills on Tuesday night. I was visiting a friend but it didn't seem to make me that tired. But the next day I was out of it. Completely goofy all day. Then I went to the taste of chaos tour. We were on the list but they gave us the wrong passes. Didn't matter. We were able to sneak onto the floor anyhow. YES! The show was great. I love seeing My Chemical Romance. They are just that good. But by the end of the show, my straight hair had gone curly. And I was soaked. How gross is that? Ew. So, we left and I changed my shirt when I got to the car. Fuck anyone who didn't want to see me half naked. I don't care. Then we got In n Out and blared music and left for home. And I got the bright idea to take my pill four hours late. Forty minutes later I had to pull off the road because I couldn't see properly and Amanda drove the rest of the way home. Or well, to Bobby Lee's house. He called us on our way home and said he'd be in town for one night only. I CANNOT NOT SEE MY BABY BOY!<3 So, we stopped in. I love him. Period. He is my best best best best best best best. Other then Amanda and Kendall. haha. Kendall took Amanda home because I barely had enough gas to get myself home and I was super tired. Why I thought I could drive home is beyond me. I ended up going off the road twice and into the other lane about five times. NEVER AGAIN. The bottle said I shouldn't drive. I guess I should not drive after taking it. LAME! This is going to ruin my social life. And now, the day after, I am still exhausted. I can barely move. I've been sleeping. I've walked into two walls. And spilled my coffee because I didn't realize I was holding it. I don't know why I am so tired. But I'm not going to class tonight because my mom won't let me drive. Err. And I freaked out this morning yelling that my heart hurt. Yeah. I think I scared her. I don't remember doing that this morning, but whatever. Whoever is up to come snuggle with me tonight will be my hero. Also, whoever wants to be my date to go see Sin City on Friday will be so loved. Annnnnd. I will be staying the weekend at either Kendall's or Amanda's because their parents are gone. And I have nothing better to do. So, you all know where to find me. <3 6 | lock the doors from the inside

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